A tale of a man in a cave.
Floating.
Floating in a pool of thoughts, trickling down into my own head and sifting through my brain like thin pasta. Angel hairs slipping their way out of my body and into the ground where they stay and bubble beneath the surface, never sprouting action or movement.
Frustration.
Never knowing what to say. Wondering is silence is the best option. Trying to balance on the soft water while floating down the river in the cave that I can't seem to find my way out of.
Am I still floating? Every time I try to float towards someone else in the cave I fall short, I kick at the wrong time, at the wrong speed.
I hit someone else on the way to the same target and, in order to maintain balance, I stop and float once more.
Spinning in the water.
This cave is quiet.
This cave gathers negative energy and pours it through us.
Maintain your balance or you'll drown. Like a child holding a bug underwater, letting it surface for a split second before plunging it back into the puddle in which is shall die.
I train myself to be still. To smile and hide the truth.
The shop closes down, not selling any more today. The silence lets me be.
The moon rises and the water glows with silent slices of light, slowly swishing through the water and touching my body but these lights lie, The lights bring hope, they trick and deceive. These lights, with their infinite mystery and grace lead you to a part of the cave where you feel safe and then abandon you for another cave dweller, one you can't seem to see.
It's not the caves fault.
The lights didn't know they were hurting you.
The lights come regularly, faint rays of kindness and misread intention.
Clicks and pops of water on water, cleaning my body after I roll into mud. The mud is on the underside, always will be. Every roll washes it away, but it always comes back. Best I can do is hide it. No one sees the mud.
"Is this all there is?" I think to myself "Will I just float in this cave letting the lights trick me?"
Yes.
Yes I will.
I miss the dark cave. At least she told the truth.
